HE’S ALREADY THERE!

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”  Psalm 139:16

Hi, I’m Joy Wood and I’m a recovering control freak.  Group gathered: “Hi, Joy. Welcome.” Seriously though, it has been a life long struggle with this sin. My God-given bent is towards planning, organization, and just all around loving order and structure. Maybe some of you can relate to the fact that these good gifts can easily turn into rigidity, fear of change, and a paralyzing fear of the unknown.

I guess it’s not a surprise then that the Lord always seems to lovingly nudge me out of my “happy box” (where it is always safe and comfortable!) and into His very real, often chaotic world.  He put on my heart to share with you a little more about when I worked as an EMT/Paramedic. I don’t talk much about this chapter of my life, but God deserves the glory for all the ways He used it to teach me to trust His sovereignty.

For five years, for 24-48 hours at a time, I was stationed at a fire station, continuously on-call with no idea of what was going to happen next. I started out as a 19 year old EMT, basically responsible for driving my Paramedic partner just get to the location and then assisting them with the patient. My map-reading skills were shaky, so my number one goal was to get us out to the ambulance in time follow the fire truck! Joy: “Hey, guys! Wait for us!!” Ha!  If I didn’t have a fire truck to follow, I would pray much, much harder.

When I became a Paramedic I was watched like a hawk for a year by a trainer (I love you, Henrietta!) and then put in charge of my own unit. As an EMT, I used to let my partner size up the situation and ask them: "What do you need?" Now I was the one with the partner who would assist me and asked me what I needed. Joy: “ ‘What do I need’?? Prayer! Lots of prayer!!”  EMT Partner: “O-kayy…”

 The area I was primarily responsible for was Golden Gate city, where something was always happening. Even when there wasn’t a call and I would try to get some sleep on duty, I used to lay awake in bed, waiting tensely for that really loud tone to sound in the ceiling and send us flying out the door into who knows what. I was absolutely terrified. I didn’t know what the next five minutes would bring and I felt solely responsible for knowing what to do, how to do it, and keeping everyone safe that was there. I either had to start to give God control or go crazy with fear.

I began actively giving each hour into the Lord’s hand and telling Him “You know what’s next and You’re enough to handle it.” When we were responding to a call, I would tell Him: “Only You are in control over whether someone lives or dies. I’m not God, You are. Please just tell me what to do.”

 In my experience paramedics that weren’t believers in Christ were generally superstitious. You would get in big trouble if you said something like “Wow…it sure has been a quiet day so far!”  Certain people got a reputation for yucky-scary stuff following them wherever they were stationed in the county. I wasn’t one of those people in my early years. I see now He had a shield around me and I actually had many pretty pleasant shifts (helping the elderly off the floor and managing very typical illnesses). The tense situations and the trauma steadily increased, but only as I could handle it in Him. When it was especially critical, He always gave me people and resources to walk me through it every step of the way.

By the end of my career, He was managing what I considered to be “worse case scenarios” through me and I would stand in awe of His grace and provision. He also covered my mistakes and took great care of people when I made wrong choices. I began to learn that nothing would happen on duty (or any other day) except for what was filtered through His fingers of love, power, and wisdom. Hour by hour, I would practice resting in His sovereignty and giving Him back control; hour by hour He met me with His overwhelming faithfulness.

With the fog of fear slowly lifting each week, I was also able to more freely minister to hurting people. I’ll never forget the suicidal man who accepted Christ on the way to NCH, being able to weep with a couple over their little baby who died of SIDS, or holding and praying with the widow when her young husband passed away before our eyes. By the end of my five years, I was able to sleep soundly in my bunk in Golden Gate city. God gave me example after example that He is the supreme ruler over birth, death, and every moment in between.

 So you would think with that spiritual training, I would be almost free from fear and control issues, right? I wish. The buffer before I start to fear has gotten larger, but I still get nervous and I think I will always have to actively fight for my heart to have peace in the Lord’s control.  I often begin to pray line by line through John 1:1-3 (out loud if I can), claiming God’s truth until the knot in my stomach begins to loosen.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being.” John 1:1-3 

My prayers in the face of the unknown and frightening often go something like this:

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.” Lord Jesus, You saw all of creation stretched out before You when You made all things. You not only saw what was present that day, You saw EVERY day.  All I have to do now is to walk through what You’ve prepared with You by my side. I trust You that You see my future as already finished and I’m only responsible to fit in with Your very good plan.

“ All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being.”  All of creation came through You. That means that all things that touch me have to come through You first, Lord. You’re my shield! You have to give Your nod of approval before anything touches me. When it comes to suffering, You’ve drawn a boundary line around me and have said “Only this far.”  (Job 1:12) I choose to trust Your hands and Your choices, Lord. You are worthy of my trust!

He is our Peace and He is in control. Have a blessed and Christ-filled Christmas!  -Joy

“The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us…”  John 1:14

THE CONVERSATION

“The sorrows of those who have bartered for another god will be multiplied…” Psalm 16:4

My time with the Lord yesterday morning began with Him bringing this verse to my mind.  I turned to it in my Bible, wrote it down in my journal, and paused with the slightly nervous thought of “Well that’s an interesting verse for Him to bring up.  What does that mean?” The inner me knew quite well what He wanted to discuss, I was just hoping He had something else in mind. Idolatry (valuing anything or anyone above Him) is something He's been pulling out of my heart in big chunks this year.

The word “bartered” caught my eye and I looked up the definition. Merriam-Webster’s defines barter as: “to trade by exchanging one commodity for another.” It was also noted that bartering was a common practice between strangers and enemies, due to the fact that they felt they were more in control of what they received back. The inner me was definitely saying “Uh-oh” at this point.

The following are actual excerpts from my journal yesterday morning. I never thought the Lord would want me to share something so intimate as my inner conversation with Him, but He does today. I often write down thoughts or questions (or rants!) for God in my journal, and then wait for Him to respond. I then write down word-for-word what I hear Him say back to me, which helps me to keep His instructions and encouragement fresh in my mind. This conversation style with the Lord may seem a little odd, but it’s one of the ways He and I have communicated over the years. I don’t hear God speak to me audibly (though He could if He wanted to), but I do clearly hear His voice in my heart and mind. The more time I spend with Him, the more readily I recognize His voice (John 10:27). My prayer is that you’ll be encouraged about how absolutely practical the Lord is and how faithful He is to meet with us when we make time with Him our priority. Listening is a discipline and I'm being trained in that area every single day. My words are in italics, and the Lord’s responses are in bold.

How have I bartered, God?

“By trading Me for another god. ‘Self-love’ is her name. She provides you with an alternate source of value and worth. You spend much time serving her and wondering whether she is pleased or not.”

Wow, Lord. I am so deceived! What does this look like in my life? Please reveal my sin in practice.

“How much time do you spend worrying about appearance?”

Oh Lord, way too much. Counting every calorie, fearing weight gain when I can’t exercise, fussing over clothes, hair, and make-up. Catching a glimpse in a mirror (or any reflective surface-the microwave!) and asking myself ‘Am I beautiful?’ or “Am I beautiful enough?’. Finding my value and worth in how I look. Oh Lord, it’s wretched! Please help my sinful heart!

“ ‘You are altogether beautiful, My darling, and there is no blemish in you.’ (Song of Solomon  4:7) And ‘I am my Beloved’s, and His desire is for me.’ (Song of Solomon 7:10) Remember these when you’re struggling.”

What else, Lord? How else do I serve ‘Self-Love’ or any other gods?

“How much time do you spend worrying about what other people think of you?”

Lord, I think that’s almost constant. It’s like a continual thread in my self-talk and in every human relationship. Whether it’s a close relationship or someone I just meet in passing. I’m always wondering (fearfully or pridefully), ‘Does he think I’m pretty?’, ‘Does she think I’m spiritual?’, or ‘Does she think I’m a good enough friend?’. Oh Lord, again I bring before You my sin. Please help! I don’t want to serve this god.

“ ‘For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.’ (Colossians 3:3). This enables you to forget you. You are freed from that bondage! Does someones opinion of a dead man matter? No! Neither does anyone’s opinion of Joy. She’s dead and Christ now lives in her place. ‘I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.’ (Galatians 2:20). I’ll honor you for remembering this when you think about you.”

It was a strong word from Him and I needed it. I wish you could hear how gentle His tone is even when He's rebuking me. He's a jealous Husband, and I'm so grateful for that. I’m not entirely sure what the Lord has in mind for you as you read that conversation, but I'm blessed to be able to be publicly honest about some of my struggles (it kills more pride). I would honestly MUCH rather keep this between just Him and me, but He knows best. Whatever He has in mind, may He be glorified! And may you be blessed.

On a much lighter note....  :)  I have to share this recipe for a "Protein Pancake with Sliced Bananas" with you. It's a modified version of a recipe out of Costco's new cookbook (yes, that's my favorite store). It's tasty, quick, very filling (kept me going for hours with no shaky sugar-low at 10:00am!), and can be easily changed up to your tastes. It's not super-sweet so you may want to add some fruit to the mixture or more honey.

                       Protein Pancake with Sliced Bananas

2/3 cup quick-cooking oats (I use plain)
2 Eggs (or 4 egg whites for cholesterol-free)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1-2 tsp honey
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/8 tsp ginger
pinch of salt

1 ripe banana, sliced
Extra honey for drizzling

Coat a skillet with oil spray and preheat over medium heat. Whip together all ingredients except the banana in a small bowl or pyrex mixing cup. Pour the mixture into the skillet and cook for about 1 1/2 minutes on each side, or until golden brown. Transfer pancake to a plate and add sliced bananas and drizzle with honey.  Tip: For a moister pancake, cover the skillet with a lid while the pancake is cooking. Nutritional information: 27g protein, 6g fiber.

Ideas:
Mix into the batter about 1/4 cup thawed frozen blueberries, 1/4 cup plain canned pumpkin, or 1/4 cup mashed banana. (I'm even contemplating how to incorporate peanut butter...  :-) ).
Substitute the drizzling honey with agave or pure maple syrup.
Make the batter the day before and have it ready in the fridge to pour.

ALTARS

“Then Job answered the Lord and said, ‘I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.’ “ Job 42:1

 “God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should repent; has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?” Numbers 23:19

 “For as many as are the promises of God, in Him they are yes; therefore also through Him is our Amen to the glory of God through us. Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and anointed us is God, who also sealed us and gave us the Spirit in our hearts as a pledge.”              2 Corinthians 1:20-22

I woke up one morning recently and felt discouragement wrapped around me like a thick black garment. My faith seemed to be choking underneath it. There wasn’t any big disappointment or obvious trial in my life; I was just struggling with the seeming quietness of God in my circumstances. Just like Peter, James, and John in Luke 9:28-43, the Lord  had shown me and promised me amazing things on the mountain top, and now I was wrestling to believe that they were true (in the demon-possessed valley!). The stillness and darkness challenged my faith and Satan was whispering in my ear like he did to Eve: “Has God said…?” (Genesis 3:1).  As I was sitting on my bed, I cried outloud to Jesus, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24). I sat there for a little while, listening for Him to speak something to me, and heard the Lord clearly say to my heart “Come run with Me.” I quickly put my running shoes on and headed out the door into my neighborhood. As I began the run, I got the impression that I should start to intentionally recall to my mind all the times He had come through for me when I just put one foot in front of the other by faith. I needed to preach the truth to my own soul.

I thought about a 19 year old me that stepped out in faith (with my mom’s faithful prayer and encouragement) to become an Emergency Medical Technician. Teenage me knew it was from the Lord the minute I heard the job description (though it never occurred to me that driving a huge ambulance would be required and driving terrified me. Also, I was even more directionally challenged than I am now and didn’t realize I should be able to read maps as well. Ha!).  I went through the entire program and found out I didn’t have the correct CPR card to be able to test for state certification. I called everywhere and but no one had CPR classes going because it was the week of Christmas. I prayed, my parents prayed, and eventually an instructor had pity on me and gave me a one-on-one class! With my new CPR card in hand, I sent in my application to the state to schedule my test. Weeks later, the testing agency called me to tell me there wasn't a slot left for me since I hadn't been able to send it in my application immediately. They put me on a waiting list and made it clear I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I prayed and kept studying for my test as if I was already scheduled, having a kernal of hope that God was in this somehow. A surprised-sounding lady called me back not many days later and said “You wouldn’t believe this, but someone broke their leg skiing and you can have their spot”. I tested and entered a whirlwind five-year EMS career that required a strong-foundation of “God led me to this” moments.

Fast-forward six years and I was a bride-to-be in full planning mode. I felt impressed from the very beginning that the Lord wanted our wedding reception at a certain venue, but you had to be members of that country club, or know someone who was.  Both of those were a big "N-O" for us so I kept looking everywhere else. A couple of months later it came down to the time when I was supposed to send out wedding invitations and I still had nothing settled for a reception. I wondered nervously what I would put down for reception address and prayed my little heart out. (There is nothing like wedding-planning to bring someone to their knees, right?). God spoke to me clearly in my time with Him that He wanted me to send out the wedding invitations by faith with the address of the venue that He wanted us at on it. Ugh. I wept face down on my floor and fought Him for awhile but He kept making it clear there weren't any other instructions He would give me. I eventually broke down in surrender and said to God: “I feel like a crazy woman! Okay! Whatever happens, I’ll follow You. Okay, I’ll do it.” With the invitations sent out, I began to plan with the coordinator at that venue though we never got to the part about reserving it (no member signature, no reservation!). I wondered what God would do with that, but just heard "Keep moving forward. I've got it." So I bought decorations at Michael's, picked items from their menu for our guests, and wondered if I was a lunatic. At the same time, my soon-to-be husband and I had been looking for months for a place to live and only found dead ends. It was the height of the housing boom and a very discouraging time to look for affordable housing of any kind. Even the sad little apartment with the railroad track running beside it was expensive. People would ask us when they saw us: “Where are you going to live?”  Avery and I would say: “We have no idea." Well-meaning people: "What's the plan?"  Us: "Only God knows!” Our family was getting nervous and so were we, but we both felt the Lord say “Wait. I’ve got it.”  Avery would tell me: "So we'll be 'fools for Christ'. Whatever happens we'll have obeyed Him."

Now it was only weeks away and we were still waiting with eyes wide open for both needs to be met. Avery and I would pray together about it (I would be sobbing the whole time. God bless that poor man!) and only hear from the Lord "Trust me". I remember one day leaving the Edison State College parking lot (where I was finishing up nursing school) when the coordinator at the country club called me on my cell phone. I nervously answered and she sounded a little frustrated with me. Coordinator: “Can you come today? We have really got to get these last details settled, Joy!” No kidding, I wearily thought. I drove straight to the venue, wondering what would happen when she got to the part about the member signature.  When I got there she told me that the dining room I had originally planned for was now booked because we were never able to officially reserve it. She then offered me a beautiful location downstairs that was partly outdoors and slightly more casual. It was lovelier than I could have imagined, less expensive, and she never mentioned the member signature. She had pity on the “crazy-last minute bride” (if she only knew the real five-year-planner me) and the deal was sealed that day. My phone rang again and it was the wife of a couple we knew asking if we would like to rent a condo they owned in a nice gated community in Estero. They had purchased it for her aging parents but now they couldn’t move in and it was just sitting vacant. It was immediately available, they would just want rent enough to cover their expenses, and they would like to give the first month free as a wedding gift. Avery and I toured it with them that week with dropped jaws, knowing we could never have afforded it on our own. We were absolutely awed how God met both of those needs, all wrapped up in a bow so quickly after an agonizing test of faith. We entered into a wonderful and painful three and half years of marriage that would require us to recall all of our “God led us here!” moments.

 In the Old Testament, when God revealed Himself to His people and spoke a special word to them, they often would take stones and make an altar to the Lord in that place. They offered a tangible sacrifice on it to show their faith, and they would look back on those stones to remember what God had done and said. As I looked back at those "altars" of faith that I shared (and many others besides them), I was amazed that I could ever disbelieve Him. The discouragement and unbelief I had been wrestling with looked ridiculous in light of His faithfulness to me. I was singing and praising Him and excited again to step out on His promises!

I'm sharing these stories with you today to point to our God and say: "He's an expert in leading weak people like me into faithfulness". There's no such thing as "perfect faith" in imperfect people and I'm flawed to the core. I stumbled alot, feared and doubted, and just kept giving it back to the Lord (many times in a day), saying "If I just trust You in this, no matter what it looks like at least You'll be honored." I've also learned that if God speaks a word to my heart about my circumstances, I need to humbly ask Him to give me a scripture to hold on. I want to be sure the voice I'm hearing lines up with His Word in the Bible and I know I'll need something to cling to when the doubts and attacks come. I'm often full of faith when I hear the Holy Spirit speak something to me, but when that moment begins to fade and I'm under the pressure of the waiting, I need to fight temptation like Jesus did. He fought off Satan's attacks by standing on God's written Word. "Jesus answered, 'it is written...' " Luke 4:4  In retrospect, His promises have always turned out different than I pictured when God first gave me the promise, but He was always true to His Word. He always did what He said He would. ALWAYS.


Are you struggling with any doubts about God's faithfulness today? We've all been there and will be there again. What “altars” can you look at in your past where you say “God did this for me when I stepped out on His word”? If you’re being challenged to obey Him in something and step out in faith, how has He met you in the past when you did that? 

“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.”  John 1:14

Lord, Your Scripture and the specific promises you speak to our hearts are trustworthy because YOU are trustworthy. You ARE the Word of God! You will become more real to us and dwell among us in intimacy as we obey Your commands and believe Your promises. We will see Your glory in our circumstances in due time. Most importantly, You'll be glorified as we do that. Thank You for being full of grace and truth! You have abundant grace to hold us to Your side as we obey in faith, and will give us Your truth to correct and assure us when we start to veer. Help us to intentionally recall the "altars" of faith You've helped us lay up in our lives. Spur us on to trust You, wait on You, and keep obeying no matter what the cost. In Jesus Name, Amen.

SAFE COUNTRY

“But when Sanballat, Tobiah, the Arabs, the Ammonites and the people of Ashdod heard that the repairs to Jerusalem’s walls had gone ahead and that the gaps were being closed, they were very angry. They all plotted together to come and fight against Jerusalem and stir up trouble against it. But we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this threat.” Nehemiah 4:7-9

The book of Nehemiah is a beautiful picture of what happens when the people of God get serious about the work of God. It’s a story of the Church (comprised of every true follower of Jesus Christ) fighting hard individually and collectively to let God take ground through them. The walls of Jerusalem were broken down in many areas and God called His people to participate in the hard work of rebuilding them.

They were weak with their walls down, prey to anyone that wanted to take them over. God used one man (Nehemiah) to rally His people to obedience when it looked hopeless and overwhelming. They put their whole hearts into it (Nehemiah 4:6) and the demonic forces got very angry. So angry, in fact, that those dark forces even called a special meeting to plot how to specifically stop what was happening.

So when does Satan really get stirred up? When Christ-followers start obeying the Lord in a way that allows Him to close in their spiritual gaps. Nothing chills Satan to the bone more than Christians who lay down distractions, selfishness, and plain old carnal living to get on mission with God.

How has that been applying to me personally? The Lord has made it clear to me that I should be on mission for Him every day whether it's in my own backyard or in Uganda. And as I've been letting Him do that through me more intentionally lately, I’ve been learning that I have big gaps when it comes to loving people well. My nature is to show love to people up until the point it gets inconvenient, uncomfortable, and costs me something. In the recent past, when pressed with the invitation to go "the extra mile" with people, I usually defaulted to smiling politely, saying “No thanks”, and waving goodbye in my rear-view mirror. Cheerfully defying God's call to feed His sheep (John 21:17). One of God's "frozen-chosen".


For the gaps in me to be closed in, I'm not "trying harder, praying more!". I'm just saying "yes" when His Holy Spirit nudges me (when before I used to fight it and rationalize disobedience). I'm not "working harder" to be a better Christian; He's making me more aware of my gaps and I'm letting Him have more control. For me lately that means driving the extra mile to pick someone up, giving the extra dollar when I want to fearfully clutch it, spending the extra time on the phone with the hurting woman, and engaging with (rather than rushing away from!) my neighbors when we see eachother outside. It taking every opportunity to trade recipes with and pray with the elderly widower three houses down the street. It means I have a reoccuring Friday date to make crafts and read God's Word with the nine year old girl thirty minutes away.

“If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?” Jeremiah 12:5 

In my weak moments, a selfish part of me cries out “Send me to Africa to love an orphan, Lord!". "Selfish?", you ask. Absolutely. It's easy for me to want to escape the humble and mundane daily calls to obey Him with a fantasy of what I think will be "the real deal". It's unreasonable of course (sin always is!), since living in Uganda will be undoubtedly be a new level of mundane and humble. When my flesh cries out "Oh to just hold an unloved child in Africa!", I should look for an unloved child to hold here. He knows full well that changing my location doesn’t change my heart. If I can't obey Him contentedly here, I'll never be able to when I'm completely uprooted and asked to do it in a foreign culture. It’s like believing the plane trip overseas will have magical powers to transform me.  “Tada! The newly-minted Missionary! Just board the plane and you’ll be ready to serve long-term under extreme pressure.” Wow. Kind of like thinking that the matrimonial aisle magically transforms a couple into totally different people, right?  It's no joke that short-term mission trips and the first few months of mission work are often called the "honeymoon" phase. The bubble quickly pops and the Christ-follower realizes they signed up for more than they realized. The flaws they had in their "Safe country" (Jeremiah 12:5) come out in the "thickets" of their new home.  Anything worthwhile (living on mission wherever you are, strong marriages, wise parenting) takes gut-wrenching preparation prior and continual work during. No magic wands and no short-cuts.

“But He [Jesus] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”  2 Corinthians 12:9

Lord, help us to live for You right where you have us. This season of life, this group of people, this task set before us. Oh Lord, all I have is NOW to serve You! Show each of us the “little” ways we can be more faithful right where we are. You say that whoever is trustworthy with a little will be trustworthy with much (Luke 16:10). How we respond to what’s right in front of us will determine how we handle the next assignment You give us. Help us to allow You to send us out into areas that make us feel weak and clumsy. For me, You know that it’s loving outside my comfort zone in the dailyness of life. Show each person who reads this what it looks like for them. Show them their gaps and how You want to fill in and repair them. Guard them right in the middle of the demonic attack that will be lobbed their way as they cooperate with Your Holy Spirit. Give them the eyes to see who that discouragement is coming from and help them to press even harder into Your side. Help us to pray and post guard day and night to meet this threat (Nehemiah 4:9). Help us to watch You heal us and others around us as we allow You to take control. Love others well through us in the safe country and the thickets (Jeremiah 12:5). In Jesus Name, Amen.

WHEN DREAMS DIE

Cheery title, huh? To be honest, I’m writing about a topic so close to my heart right now, that the thought of typing it out for others to read makes me nervous. But if there’s that much resistance to me writing it, it must mean that this will be blessing for me and others if I obey God.

If you’ve been reading some of my past posts, you’ll notice a common thread pointing to what the Lord is doing in my heart. It involves surrender. Surrendering the last few years of my life to the Lord to use in whatever way He chooses. That means He can take me wherever He chooses (Southeastern Uganda?), have me do whatever He wants (Practicing as a registered nurse in a clinic? Partnering with the local church?), serving whoever He wants (AIDS patients? Orphan care? Vulnerable women and children in general?). Well now He’s tapping me on the shoulder and asking “what about the when, Joy?” Joy: “God, I think we’re good on the when. We've talked about the timing, right? You told me November and that still sounds good to me. You don’t need to touch this!” Or maybe He does.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being." John 1:1-3


Just a little reminder of how much God doesn't need my help...

The word for me go to Uganda came from God and therefore He OWNS it. He was in the beginning with God, and therefore He already knows how my life is supposed to play out. All things came into being through Him, and therefore He is Lord over all.



How is He asking me to apply these truths to my life right now? He’s asking me to trust Him enough to give Him my “go date”. He’s saying “You’re not to control any part of this, not even when you ship out for three months.” In short, lay down the November date. Has He given me an alternate date to look forward to? No He hasn’t. He just whispers “wait”. What is this doing inside me? It’s causing every part of this dream, this calling, to fall to the ground and die. Die so it’s dead, never to be seen again? No. Die so it can be resurrected by His hands alone.

The account of Lazarus comes to my mind. Two people that Jesus loved, Martha and Mary sent a message to Jesus. Their brother Lazarus was very ill and they simply said “Lord, behold, he whom you love is sick” (John 11:3). It’s obvious from the note they sent Him that these three enjoyed an especially intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. In His interactions recorded with them in Scripture, Jesus was like a big brother to each of them and often stayed in their home, just resting and enjoying their company. So does He hurry up and run the short distance to their neighboring village to make things OK? No. He trusts these three friends enough to handle a tough test: He makes them wait. Wait in silence when everything seems on the line.  “But when Jesus heard this, He said, ‘This sickness is not to end in death, but for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it.’ [..] So when He heard that he was sick, He then stayed two days longer in the place where He was.” John 11:4, 6

I think something inside of us is shocked and even angered by this. "He chose to let Lazarus die, be buried, and rot in that tomb for four days?" Yes He did. Why?  “So that the Son of God may be glorified by it.” (vs 4). For His glory! And if you think that sounds cold and heartless, please note in verse 35 that “Jesus wept” and that He was angered and deeply moved by the human suffering that our sin brought into this world (vs 38). He couldn’t wait to roll that stone away and raise the dead man (a beautiful picture of what He would do on the cross for us just a short time after this). This would happen in His timing, in His way. It’s all about His glory, folks.

“Jesus said, ‘Remove the stone.’ Martha, the sister of the deceased, said to Him, ‘Lord, by this time there will be a stench, for he has been dead four days.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Did I not say to you that if you believe you will see the glory of God?’ So they removed the stone. Then Jesus raised His eyes, and said, ‘Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. I knew You always hear Me; but because of the people standing around I said it, so that they may believe that You sent Me.’ When He had said these things, He cried out with a loud voice, ‘Lazarus, come forth.’ The man who had died came forth, bound hand and foot with wrappings, and his face was wrapped in a cloth. Jesus said to them, ‘Unbind him, and let him go.’”  John 11:39-44

The death was real but it wasn't permanent. He had resurrection in mind the whole time..He had His glory in mind the whole time. He was trusting His friends to obey Him, walk in the dark, and rely on who He is and not what they see or feel (Isaiah 50:10). To experience a miracle, they had to have their faith tested to their limits. They received their brother back from the dead but, more importantly, they gained a deeper trust in Christ. Lazarus wasn't the only one who would be unbound and 'let go' through this process. Unbelief and pride died; faith, humility, and awe were resurrected.

So what does this have to do with God’s calling on my life? It means that over every square inch of Joy Wood's life God cries out “MINE!”. I don’t get to tell Him when I should leave for Uganda and He doesn’t even need to tell me what His next move is. I’m back to sitting in the back seat of the bus again, humbled in a deeper way. And as painful as it is, I can honestly say that I’m extremely grateful. I’ve caught a few glimpses of my heart making this horribly all about me, an idol instead of an act of worship to my King. It’s made me shudder and be grateful He’s bringing this stuff out to kill it. Its better that He makes me wait. This wait won’t end in death…but for the glory of God.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”  John 12:24

Lord, our dreams, even the ones YOU give us, are not our own. They belong solely to the One who plans them from beginning to end (John 1:2-3). The way you work them out (the where, what, who, and when) all belongs to You, Lord Jesus. Help me to posture myself as a servant and a child and let You work out the details. Thank You for the painful waiting periods in our life that bring out the sin in our hearts. The waiting and the uncertainty doesn't make me act a certain way, Lord...it brings out what's been in my heart the whole time. Thank You for the idolatry and self-centeredness You've been revealing and removing. Thank You also for the unrelentless certainty in my heart that You WILL resurrect this for Your glory. Every time You've brought something down to death in my life, I've seen You swoop in and amaze me with how You move. Lord, I take the desire of my heart and I break it over Your feet (John 12:3). Be glorified with how You make it all come together. I'm waiting in expectation even as I seek to be faithful right where You have me now. In Jesus Name, Amen.

MIND SPLINTS

“Though the fig tree should not blossom,  nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.  God, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer's;  He makes me tread on my high places. [..] ”   Habakkuk 3:17-19

I was sitting in my car early in the morning, waiting for a friend when this verse drifted into my mind. Let me tell you, it was a like a lifeline being thrown to me. I had been struggling pretty much since my eyes opened that day with giving Him control over the future and His plan for my life. He’s stripped away a lot of black, tarry ‘yuck’ (pride) lately, but there are always abundant layers of it to scoop out.  I looked Habakkuk 3 up in my little Bible and the words hits me in a fresh way.

Read Habakkuk 3:17-19 again slowly and think about what the author is saying about his life. These are the words of a broken, surrendered man. They might read: “Though my life may look like a total failure, though other people’s expectations of me aren’t met, though my dreams for myself may look different than I imagined, though the amount of suffering was more than I anticipated, though the wait is longer than I thought, though there’s not a cent in the bank account, though I may not even know where my next meal is coming from, though I have nothing but Jesus Christ to my name!...”   I think I uttered “Oh my word..” out loud as I sat there and took that in.

Have you ever felt like your life or performance doesn’t measure up to your expectations or the expectations of others? I think most of us wrestle in that place pretty frequently in at least some small way. Sometimes the Lord has us wrestling more acutely and deeply with those feelings for an indeterminate season. Habakkuk’s words in the next breath shocks me. After that honest confession of what his life has “produced” (by the world’s standards), he utters a deliberate, startling declaration. “YET I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.” 

Some translations use the word “exult” instead of “rejoice”. Exult means to literally “leap in the air for joy”.  He threw his whole mind, will, and body into praising God in his trial. It’s this kind of conscious decision to trust God and focus on His goodness that fills our heart-tank with strength to keep waiting, praying, and obeying. The Lord revealed to me the other day that much of my weariness in the wait has a lot to do with my thought patterns. I need wrist splints for my thought life. “Wrist splints?”, you ask. Well let me explain.

 Thanks to the aging process, my flawed human DNA, and heavy daily computer use, I now wear to bed amazingly cool, superhero-like wrist splints (Cool? Well, not so much…and there’s no "carpal-tunnel girl" in the superhero galaxy). About four months ago, I noticed that if I would work on my computer for 4-5 hours straight, I would get wrist pain that would steadily increase. This would progress until I would have trouble typing an email. I was making the median nerve in both of my wrists pretty unhappy with my repetitive movements. Resting and a new keyboard helped, but the tenderness wouldn't go away completely. I was baffled that I even began to wake up in the morning with pain after eight hours or “resting” my wrists. Being the good nurse that I am, I ignored it as long as possible and didn't look into the problem too deeply. "I can fix me!", she cried. My pride got worn down as I continued to lose function and not get better despite my efforts and my own "treatment plan". Finally recognizing I couldn't fix this, I researched some more found out to my surprise that most of the damage was being done while I was asleep. I learned that those in orthopedics recommend reducing the inflammation by sleeping with special wrist splints. Why?   It turns out that when I go to sleep and go on “auto-pilot”, I’m flexing my wrists all that time, doing damage and weakening that area. My wrists had to be locked into a certain posture in order to get well. Slightly dubious and feeling a little silly, I put my splints on for the first time and went to bed. I woke up absolutely pain free and feeling stronger in my wrists than I have for months. That strength in my wrists even lasted during my computer work for most of the day! I was (am!) praising God and sorry I hadn’t used these blessed little things four months ago.

How does that speak to me about my thought life? Well the Lord showed me that the more my mind is “splinted” against wandering into focusing on agendas, time lines, and “how is this going to work??”, the less wearied and weakened my heart is in the wait. The Lord spoke to me recently one morning and said very clearly about my thoughts: “Content drives motivation. Where you focus is what you’re feeding on.” I’ve been feeding myself a steady diet of impatient, fearful, agenda-conscious thoughts about my future. Even little “snacks” along that line (just a thought here or there!) have been sapping my strength. I need to feed on the truth of His Word and who He is. The Lord told me that there can be no auto-pilot in my thinking in this season if I’m going to endure. Hebrews 10:36 says “For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.” 

He allowed a little margin in my thought life before (and protected me for the most part in my ignorant sin), but there’s no margin now. I’m accountable to Him for what I now know.

  “If you say, ‘But we knew nothing about this,’ does not He who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not He who guards your life know it? Will He not repay each person according to what he has done?”  Proverbs 24:12

Back to Habakkuk 3:19. “… He makes my feet like the deer's;  He makes me tread on my high places. [..] ” He is the God of my salvation (vs18) , and out of that great salvation is power to obey Him. This power to obey does NOT flow out of me trying harder but out of letting Him take over.  My free will (my "want to") and His Holy Spirit (His "how to") meet up when I surrender control over to Him. It's not us trying harder with "God on our side", it's living the absolutely "exchanged life" that Galatians 2:20 promises. I agree with what He shows me and say "You're right, I can't handle this and it's sin for me to try to do it on my own." And as I cry out "God help!" in my thought life (or whatever He points out) and turn it over to Him, He will make me leap over rocks that are impossible for me on my own. For me these big boulders are my unbelief ("How in the world is God going to bring me back to Uganda? This wait feels so long, is He still on the job?") and pride ("I don't like the way this looks! It doesn't feel neat and tidy.This isn't the training program I thought I signed up for, Lord!"). So now that you know how to pray for me, what is it for you? What is He asking you to give over to Him?  If we do, He will faithfully cover rocky, high territory that makes our knees shake. He will cut off things we were never meant to carry. He will glorify Himself all along the way.


Lord Jesus, help us to rejoice (leap up in the air!) over the fact that you picked us out and saved us. Your salvation for us on the cross is more than enough to make us have a heart filled with holy joy.  Please help us to fix our minds on YOU and receive what we need to endure. My mind is so undisciplined and distracted every day and I’m asking You to help me to not take a single thought lightly. You have shown me that stray thoughts are not innocent and I’m not “spiritual enough” to handle even a few lies nesting in my mind. Teach us to take every thought captive to You and make them obedient to You (2 Corinthians 10:5). As we do that, You’ll give us the daily victory we long for.  Don’t let us think this is another thing to add to our legalistic list of things to do! We can’t DO anything apart from you (John 15:5). It’s only through a personal relationship with You that this is possible. Once we know You as our Savior and Lord, it’s only through gazing at You and Your finished work on that cross that we have freedom from our sin. Thank You, Jesus! Amen.

Back Seat On The Bus

                                                       

                                                                            


“ Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.”  Psalm 127:1-2

Have you ever tried to press forward or pull connections to make something happen? Have you ever done the “helicopter hover” over something (or someone) to make sure everything is done “just right”?  Do the words “uncertain”, “flexible”, “open-ended” and “last minute” send an icy chill down your spine?  Well put your planner, list, and label machine down, my fellow type-A friend. Set the 10-minute timer on your phone (lets go wild!—set it for 15!) and join me on a little journey with the Lord together. I think He’d like to talk to us about releasing control over to Him.

I confess that if there’s an opportunity to do something I’m nervous and/or excited about, my natural bent is to grab hold of that thing and run full force at it. If it’s a project or a task I feel uncomfortable with, I’ll get as many facts as possible, interview people with experience, and do endless research in effort to get “prepared”. If it’s a possible new opportunity, I’ll call, email, or do whatever I can do to meet with the decision maker to make them aware that I’m interested and secure my spot. In short: tie up every loose end, don’t leave anything hanging in the air, and pounce on it until its dead. The common thread here is my compulsion to control something in order to relieve my anxiety.

To move from general to specific, the Lord’s been dealing with my heart towards my future in Uganda. I’ve just finished three weeks of nursing training at a HIV/AIDS clinic in Collier County. It was a definable, practical, “looks good on paper” kind of assignment from God. It's easy for me to stand up and cheer at those kind of directions from Him. “Yes, Lord! I see how that puzzle piece could fit in. Glad to do it!”.  It’s the kind of thing other people nod and smile and say “good plan” to when you explain it. Now it’s the start of a new week and I find myself with no obvious answers to the question “what’s next?”. As the Lord would have it, the Haiti medical trip that I anticipated going on next week isn’t going to come to fruition because not enough medical personnel signed up. The Lord certainly knows best.

  So what does my calendar look like now? He’s given me responsibilities as a guardian ad litem (please pray as I go to court before the judge on behalf of my little guy this Thursday), in serving in Summit Church’s women’s ministry, and pursuing continuing nursing education (“Nutrition in the developing world” text book and Tuberculosis online course, here I come!). So really, when I think about it, the Lord has graciously given me a whole list of things to be faithful in; it’s just not what my human flesh wants (a plane ticket for a certain date and a mapped out itinerary). When I'm in my right mind and looking from His perspective, this is a sweet season in so many respects. The verse He’s pressed on my heart for this new chapter of my life is this:

“In repentance and rest you will be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength.” Isaiah 30:15

“Repentance”- Agree with God that my lust to be in control and look “wise” is from the pit of hell.  Maybe that sounds harsh to you, but this obsession to know my future and be lord (lady?) over it only puts me in chains. It’s God’s mercy that He doesn’t show me the entire plan at once. As the author Stormy Omartian puts it: “Just enough light for the step I’m on.”

“Rest”- Rest from trying to “make things happen” on my own and attempts to manipulate my circumstances. I want to “rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors” (Psalm 127:2). He calmly says “I’ll give it to you while you ‘sleep’ in my will and in my timing. I can say ‘Let there be’ and it will happen in an instant. Lay down your timetable, agenda, and plan. I’m driving this bus.” No wise parent would give their toddler a driver’s license. God is infinitely wise and He keeps (lovingly) telling me to sit down in my car seat and let Him do the driving.  I think I’ll just work on the coloring book He gave me.

 “You will be saved”- Spared from needless anxiety, exhaustion, and frustration. Spared from the lie that my worth is in what I "produce". My worth is in Christ and Christ alone.

“Quietness”- Listen to His word, pray, keep my spiritual “eyes” open while I serve in the capacity He’s called me to, don’t try to explain myself to others in a way that makes sense practically. Living by faith always looks a little sketchy, vague, unprepared, and impractical. A dear friend recently reminded me, He doesn’t call you to do something for no reason. The dots will circumstantially connect somehow. Meanwhile, He's doing an internal work on my heart that is invaluable and has no shortcuts.

“Trust”- He created the earth I’m standing on (Genesis 1:1, John 1:1), holds EVERYTHING (my very cells, every atom in the universe!) together (Colossians 1:17), knit my body together in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:15-16), has already written down every one of my days in His book (Psalm 139:16), and gave me peace with God by dying in my place on a cross (Romans 5:8-9). Yes, He’s trustworthy.

Lord, the journey to Uganda cannot be my idol and I confess it easily turns into that. Anything that consumes my focus and affections besides You IS an idol in my heart, no matter how “good” it looks. Why am I pressing You to make things happen according to some imaginary schedule I have in my head and heart? Thanks for understanding when I feel impatient and that Your timing seems awkwardly slow to me at times. My perspective is so limited and childish though, so I’m asking You for Your perspective. Please give me Your endurance to wait (peacefully and expectantly) and a heart to be fully present wherever You have me. I don’t want to miss the incredible ministry and equipping You’re doing in my NOW because I’m pining for THEN. I’m taking my seat in the back of the bus again, Lord. I’ll sit down, you just please keep driving.

                                                              

Muddy Feet

 

 

My friend Elsy & I working in the clinic

 

 

 

Hopeful faces. Each examination room door in the HIV clinic opens up to find an individual with a hopeful, expectant face. A mixture of vulnerability, uncertainty, and anticipation seem to cross the face of each person I meet sitting inside these rooms. Each one is waiting to hear how their “CD4 count” is, an important cell marker for how they’re responding to their tailor-made triple drug cocktail. They have a virus that hijacks the very cells that are supposed to be a means of fighting sickness (the T4 “Helper” cells). It hides and replicates inside their “Helper” cells, deceiving the body into thinking it’s a healthy cell. As it hides, it replicates itself until it suddenly bursts the cell, spreading the infection.

When I walk in the exam room door and introduce myself, many seem to immediately ask the silent question “Will you judge me?” I pray they see the love and compassion of Jesus Christ in me. I pray they see that I’m not volunteering in the clinic just so I have valuable medical knowledge to bring with me to Uganda. After almost two weeks of volunteering, I think the Lord has me here primarily to learn about compassion. Each person is an irreplaceable, eternal soul that He died for.

At one point and time, each one of these men and women heard the news “You’re HIV positive” and began to wrestle with deep feelings of shame, anger, and rejection. The news likely brought dark thoughts of an early, incurable death. The doctor that works in this clinic tells me that their prognosis  is very good if they take their medications without stopping. If a patient stops their medication or the disease becomes resistant to the medications available, their low resistance to other types of infection (like pneumonia) will become deadly.

The blow of hearing they have "the virus" goes far deeper than a physical issue however.  One gentleman very readily opened up to me about what he was experiencing emotionally. He shared how his biological family rejects him. He moved in to cared for his mother until she died, but is now isolated from his other family members. He says it’s to the point that he’s made alternate plans regarding who he’ll live near when he becomes older and has poor health. He told me he has a few friends here in Florida that he’s made his new family and would do anything to stay near them. “I’ve put some money aside and I’ve begged them not to leave me in the care of anyone else.” My heart breaks for the lies he’s believed, the choices he’s made, and the way he’s being treated. My Savior’s heart breaks for him and loves him more than he can imagine. I pray he meets Him and finds the love and acceptance he longs for.

This week I’ve been wrestling in a deep way with my own humanly incurable infection, called sin. It’s been in hiding in my heart, looking like a “Helper” cell, but my Great Physician, Jesus Christ isn’t fooled. Experienced with my sin, He knows just how to reveal its true nature to me. He often uses a technique called “the pressure of life circumstances” to strip away the healthy-looking outer facade. I’ve been horrified at the darkness that has come oozing out of every crevice in my heart as He’s applied this pressure. I think Isaiah 58:9 reveals a good description of my sin "symptoms". Verses 10-11 are a promise I'm willing to do anything to experience.

 

“..If you remove the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness, and if you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then your light will rise in the darkness and your gloom will become like midday. And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail. “ Isaiah 58:9b-11

 “if you remove the yoke.."  The yoke of my selfish and unrealistic expectations on people. Placing things on others that the Lord Himself doesn’t even have for them. And even if He does, who am I to try and hold them to the fire (even just mentally) for it? The Lord has gently but firmly pointed out that failing to please Joy Wood isn’t a sin. Ouch. And even when there's a sin committed against me, my number one job is to hand it over in prayer.

“..the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness”.  Not outwardly speaking wickedness; no, no much sneakier. More like a silent self-talk and catty mental dialogue (sometimes with the person in my imagination. Ridiculous!). Often it's me playing a blame-game for what I'm struggling with (which isn't usually the person's fault anyway). When my focus is off like this, the  Lord says "What is that to you? You follow Me!". (John 21:22)  Yes, Lord.

I’ve spent the last few days repenting as the Lord has squeezed my heart and shown me evidence of this sin-infection. Thank You, Jesus, for John 13:10,12 when I feel like I'm just too dirty this time to be accepted and loved.

"Jesus said to him, 'he who has bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; you are clean, but not all of you. [..] So when He had washed their feet, and taken His garments and reclined at the table again, He said to them, 'Do you know what I have done to you?' " 

Do I know what He’s done for me? If I do, I’ll walk away humbled, cleansed, and not condemned. He’s called me “completely clean” because I’ve accepted His sacrifice on my behalf. I bathed in His forever-forgiveness the moment I said "Here's my life, Jesus" and He’s been clean enough for the both of us ever since. He'll never reject me. He says about the sin He's been revealing in me: "I knew about it already; I'm not shocked or surprised. Just give it to Me and let me do away with it."  Thank You, Lord. Here I am. I give You my muddy feet.      

Goodbyes and Hellos

My last hike in CO (Reservoir Trail). A friendly bear took this picture while I posed.

“Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply..”  Romans  12:9-10 (The Message)

For five weeks I’ve eaten three meals a day together, worshipped, prayed, played, and trained for a future in missions with a group of about 45 people and their children. I think my experience in Colorado has been a small taste of what the early church must have been experiencing when Acts 2:46 says  “Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts.”

My roommate Jenn (a nurse practitioner heading to Ethiopia)

 I personally thrive on large doses of privacy and solitude but it surprised me how much of me cried out “I was made for this!” when it came to living communally. It’s interesting  to me that when I didn’t have my own car or even my own room, the new “normal” became feeding  other people’s children, asking for and sharing whatever was needed (a ride, peanut butter, cold medication), and doing activities in groups (“I’m going to Walmart at noon and I’ve got three more spots in the car!”). 
The painful side of being tightly woven into this community of people was saying our goodbyes and parting ways. Some will be my future neighbors (Kenya, South Sudan, and Rwanda) and I hope to see them when I’ll have to periodically cross the Ugandan borders to get my visa renewed. For most of these precious people though, I don’t expect to see them again until we cross the “border” of our earthly lives and say our hellos in Heaven.  That fact makes me even more grateful for one of the last and hardest lessons in our training: “Goodbyes and Hellos”. 

On the day of that session, there wasn’t a dry eye in that training room as we all took turns sharing who we would be saying goodbye to at home in the near future. The thrust of the training was that healthy goodbyes prepare us to risk offering our hearts anew. You can’t numb your heart from pain and still feel true joy; happiness and grief are inexplicably bound together.  With that in mind, I felt challenged to say a real goodbye to my brothers and sisters that I had spent more than a month with. I think before that I would have been tempted to smile big and just say “see you later!”, making light the of the loss of that relationship that God had built.

My hardest goodbye was to a young couple and their two preschool children that will be heading to Japan in the next week. We had a special connection since the first day and I literally became a part of their family during our time together.  It made us laugh that their toddler daughter would yell “Doy!!” (she’s still getting her J’s) from across the room every time she saw me. We started dreading our goodbye a few days before we knew it had to happen and kept saying to each other half-jokingly “I’m not ready yet”. That final day we had together we asked God for His hand of blessing on each other and couldn’t hold back the tears.  We wholeheartedly committed each other to the Lord and grieved the loss that we might not see each other again on this earth.  I rode away in the van to the airport sad, but with a clean feeling of release.

An hour and a half later I was sitting at my gate waiting for my flight to board when I heard “Joy!!” . My friends had just arrived to wait for their flight, sitting down just one gate away from mine.  I rushed over and we hugged and laughed over the fact that we had just literally cried our eyes out over our goodbye. God in His sense of humor and sweetness decided to give us another hello and another goodbye. We called our second parting our “happy goodbye” since the last one had been so thorough. 
I don’t know why the Lord would have me to share all this except that there might be some people reading this that need the release of a healthy goodbye. Maybe it’s to a person or maybe it’s to a season of life or something you previously enjoyed. I’m not an expert in this, but I pray you’re able to grieve that loss honestly before the Lord and acknowledge that it might not come back into your life again. I think only then can we really say an authentic “hello” to the new things God is bringing into our life. 

“ See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”   Isaiah 43:19

 

The Pursuit

 “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” Song of Solomon 8:6-7

Have you ever been in a place in your life where you sensed the Lord intently pursuing you? He’s been a very real husband to me for almost three years, but lately I’ve felt His gaze on me stronger than I can remember.  A part of me relishes it (deep down I need to be claimed and wanted), and a part of me squirms under His intensity.  

I feel led today to share some very personal snippets of what it looks like in my every day, ordinary life. The ways He’s seeking me in this season may be very different from the way He’s seeking you out. My hope is that maybe we’ll all be a little more aware of His pursuit, and not ignore it or resist it.

In submitting future plans to Him.

Jesus has been inwardly nudging me when my thoughts about the future drift  into “independent auto pilot”. My thought life is just a reflection of what’s going on in my heart; a lack of submission and dependence on Him. He’s given me some concrete instructions to follow for my future (this training I’m a part right now in Colorado is one example), but that doesn’t give me license to run out and try and “make it happen” apart from Him. When someone offers you space under their umbrella in a storm, you don’t run as fast as you can and hope they keep up. I need to be keeping pace with the umbrella-holder, my covering, Jesus Christ.  Jesus gives us the picture of how helpless and dried up we are apart from Him. Try reading this out loud with your name inserted into every in place He says “you”.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in Me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers..”   John 15:5-6

In the area of selfish expectations.

 One of the dangers of not having any dependents or built-in accountability in this season of life is that  I’m prone to turning, as one author puts it, “slavishly inward”.  I confess  that as a single lady without children  it’s easy for me to just think about myself, my own comfort, my own needs. “My, my, my”.  Ugh.  The Lord is so gracious though, and He wisely inserts people into my life to pour into and interact with. For instance, the website for this training program promised private rooms. “Great!”, I thought to myself, “Five beautiful weeks to hole up with the Lord in privacy”.  Three hours after arriving, someone knocks on my door, and in walks my roommate! Inwardly sighing, I gathered up my shattered expectations of solitude and made room in the closet. Now I can’t imagine it any differently. This young woman is hand-wrapped beautiful gift I don’t deserve. The Lord wisely knew I needed a sister to help me process this mission journey. It doesn’t do me any harm to remember how to share a bathroom sink either!  Thank You, Jesus, for not listening to my selfish preferences. 

In treating brothers like brothers.

I’m not going to lie; I’m surrounded here by attractive, godly, mission-minded single men. Now before some of you ladies decide to buy a plane ticket and join me here, I’d like to say that it often makes me want to press the “eject button” and get out of here. I think you’ll agree that dealing well with the opposite sex is spiritually and emotionally complicated. God has made it clear to me that these are my brothers and my heart attitude and interactions need to line up with that. So what does guarding my heart and their heart look like?  It means being strategic and prayerful about what table I sit down to eat at for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It means making sure there’s a nice buffer (like another sister or a married couple with a whole gaggle of kids) in every interaction. I want to treat them like their future wife is standing right beside them. And that’s not just for the single guys; the married ones need covering too. I don’t strike up conversations that don’t include their wives and I keep that dear lady as a shield between us. As a whole, it means I bring my eye contact, conversation, manner of dress, and heart intentions before the Lord frequently. It’s not about coldly avoiding or being rude (which seems easier to me), but making sure their heart is safe and so is mine. Keep their dignity and being a gracious “wall.”

“If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar.”  Song of Solomon 8:9

Are we a “wall” or a “door”?  If you read this scripture in context, it’s a frank conversation some older brothers are having about how they will protect their young sister until her marriage. They want to guard her purity, and they plan to do that in various ways according to the state of her heart. If she’s trustworthy and guards her heart, they want to honor and celebrate that. That quality is beautiful it’s pictured by draping her with silver. If she’s an “open door” emotionally, inviting anyone to come in and meet her needs (on any level), they know they’ll have to protect her more forcefully. Maybe some days we’ll go between being a wall and a door emotionally. I would rather the Lord have me molded into a gracious, yet firm wall that honors Him and my brothers in Christ. Not emotionally shutting down, but allowing Him to shield me and seal in what’s precious.

“..take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.”                               Song of Solomon 1:4

Dear Lord, please make us aware of Your unique pursuit of our hearts. Help us not to push You away or resist You. Make us a pure bride in Christ and draw us deep into Your chambers! Our life, love, and freedom are only found in intimacy with You. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Where My Feet Are Planted

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. “ Psalm 62: 1-2

I love the stability and unchanging character of our God. Everything around us can shift and there He is, a Rock that remains unmoved and unshaken. Even as I write this sentence I can see and hear the rain beat down on the Colorado Mountains from my window. Lightening is crashing and a fierce wind is blowing that makes the windows on this lodge shudder. Unsurprisingly, the mountain’s position remains the same.

I’ve been thinking about having peace in the midst of change quite a bit the past week. On a small scale, it still amazes me that because of air travel I can be on the beach one evening and then in the mountains the next afternoon. On a larger scale, I’m currently immersed in a training program where the whole focus is to prepare you to leave all familiarity to serve Jesus Christ in a foreign country.

Most of my waking hours lately have been spent taking classes and ‘doing life’ with 45 missionaries and their 37 young children. Each one of the families or singles here has been called by God to enter new cultures and contexts; all for the purpose of proclaiming Jesus Christ as Lord. The places and ways they’ll serve will be different (pastor, church-planter, doctor, dentist, veterinarian, pilot) but each one is hungry to introduce people to an unchanging, trustworthy God.

Maybe you’re like me and you’ve thought at some point “But missionaries are ‘super-Christians!’  They are absolutely fearless!  That’s why God chose them.”   When we look at Scripture, it’s obvious God didn’t choose anyone to serve Him on the basis of their fearlessness (look at Gideon and Moses). What I see is that He looks instead at humility and a willingness to go (Isaiah 6:8). Where He sends us will look different for each one of us, but I know it will always be outside our comfort zone. Faith always does that.

For these men and women called to overseas missions, uncertainty about their future causes them to struggle with normal human fears.  So what do they do with their “humanness”? They’re actively giving their fears of the unknown to the Lord and moving forward, fixed on His face.  They’re not being paralyzed by fear; instead they’re in the process of having it stripped off of them as they run forward in obedience and faith. As a result, I’m convinced we’ll gain new family members from Bosnia, China, Japan, Cambodia, India, Vietnam, Tunisia, Lesotho, Sierra Leon, Kenya, Ethiopia, Uganda, Senegal, Burundi, Myanmar, Mexico, Chad and the Czech Republic.  

Spending time with some of the missionary children has given me a picture of what my faith and trust should look like.  Every one of them that I’ve talked to has been content to step out as long as Dad and Mom seem to think it’s a good idea. They very simply trust that their parents will be with them and take care of them, so it doesn’t really matter to them what their lives will look like. They have confidence to follow dad to the dinner table, the playground, or to Senegal. The context doesn’t matter to them because they have a relationship that serves as their constant.

I’m learning to love how the Lord only gives us the details we need, when we need it. Again, the He has used the children to teach me. I’ve been observing this week how they’re being taught and prepared in their classes and by their parents on how to fit into their new assignment. For instance, I was eating dinner last night with a young family that is preparing to go to India. The little toddler son was asked by his dad “now what hand do we eat with?” and the little boy proudly shot up his right hand, left hand on his lap. His little eyes shone as his dad praised “Good job, buddy!” The father was giving him preparation for the Indian culture, but just what the little guy could handle. He didn’t explain the Caste system, give him a book on Hindi, or discuss polytheism with his four-year old son. He will keep giving him what he needs to know, when he’s able to handle it. That son’s responsibility is really just to obey and follow his dad, and enjoy doing that. Dad will take care of the rest of the details.  Maybe we’re tempted to say, “Yeah, but that’s for children. We’re really responsible for a lot more than that. Grown-ups don’t get to just follow along like that.”  It sounds too simple to me too.

 “So Jesus explained, ‘I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by Himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. 

Whatever the Father does, the Son also does.”  John 5:19

“For I do not speak of my own accord, but the Father who sent Me commanded Me what to say and how to say it.”  John 12:49

 “The One who sent Me is with Me; He has not left Me alone, for I always do what pleases Him.” John 8:29

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Too simple for my pride, more than enough to go on in faith.

Lord, help us to be like little children, looking to You alone as our constant. Make us content to serve You wherever our feet are planted on this earth. Plant them in the Rock of who You are and give us courage to follow You.

“Faith never knows where it is being led, but loves and knows the One who is leading.” –Oswald Chambers.