WHEN DREAMS DIE

Cheery title, huh? To be honest, I’m writing about a topic so close to my heart right now, that the thought of typing it out for others to read makes me nervous. But if there’s that much resistance to me writing it, it must mean that this will be blessing for me and others if I obey God.

If you’ve been reading some of my past posts, you’ll notice a common thread pointing to what the Lord is doing in my heart. It involves surrender. Surrendering the last few years of my life to the Lord to use in whatever way He chooses. That means He can take me wherever He chooses (Southeastern Uganda?), have me do whatever He wants (Practicing as a registered nurse in a clinic? Partnering with the local church?), serving whoever He wants (AIDS patients? Orphan care? Vulnerable women and children in general?). Well now He’s tapping me on the shoulder and asking “what about the when, Joy?” Joy: “God, I think we’re good on the when. We've talked about the timing, right? You told me November and that still sounds good to me. You don’t need to touch this!” Or maybe He does.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being." John 1:1-3


Just a little reminder of how much God doesn't need my help...

The word for me go to Uganda came from God and therefore He OWNS it. He was in the beginning with God, and therefore He already knows how my life is supposed to play out. All things came into being through Him, and therefore He is Lord over all.



How is He asking me to apply these truths to my life right now? He’s asking me to trust Him enough to give Him my “go date”. He’s saying “You’re not to control any part of this, not even when you ship out for three months.” In short, lay down the November date. Has He given me an alternate date to look forward to? No He hasn’t. He just whispers “wait”. What is this doing inside me? It’s causing every part of this dream, this calling, to fall to the ground and die. Die so it’s dead, never to be seen again? No. Die so it can be resurrected by His hands alone.

The account of Lazarus comes to my mind. Two people that Jesus loved, Martha and Mary sent a message to Jesus. Their brother Lazarus was very ill and they simply said “Lord, behold, he whom you love is sick” (John 11:3). It’s obvious from the note they sent Him that these three enjoyed an especially intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. In His interactions recorded with them in Scripture, Jesus was like a big brother to each of them and often stayed in their home, just resting and enjoying their company. So does He hurry up and run the short distance to their neighboring village to make things OK? No. He trusts these three friends enough to handle a tough test: He makes them wait. Wait in silence when everything seems on the line.  “But when Jesus heard this, He said, ‘This sickness is not to end in death, but for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it.’ [..] So when He heard that he was sick, He then stayed two days longer in the place where He was.” John 11:4, 6

I think something inside of us is shocked and even angered by this. "He chose to let Lazarus die, be buried, and rot in that tomb for four days?" Yes He did. Why?  “So that the Son of God may be glorified by it.” (vs 4). For His glory! And if you think that sounds cold and heartless, please note in verse 35 that “Jesus wept” and that He was angered and deeply moved by the human suffering that our sin brought into this world (vs 38). He couldn’t wait to roll that stone away and raise the dead man (a beautiful picture of what He would do on the cross for us just a short time after this). This would happen in His timing, in His way. It’s all about His glory, folks.

“Jesus said, ‘Remove the stone.’ Martha, the sister of the deceased, said to Him, ‘Lord, by this time there will be a stench, for he has been dead four days.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Did I not say to you that if you believe you will see the glory of God?’ So they removed the stone. Then Jesus raised His eyes, and said, ‘Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. I knew You always hear Me; but because of the people standing around I said it, so that they may believe that You sent Me.’ When He had said these things, He cried out with a loud voice, ‘Lazarus, come forth.’ The man who had died came forth, bound hand and foot with wrappings, and his face was wrapped in a cloth. Jesus said to them, ‘Unbind him, and let him go.’”  John 11:39-44

The death was real but it wasn't permanent. He had resurrection in mind the whole time..He had His glory in mind the whole time. He was trusting His friends to obey Him, walk in the dark, and rely on who He is and not what they see or feel (Isaiah 50:10). To experience a miracle, they had to have their faith tested to their limits. They received their brother back from the dead but, more importantly, they gained a deeper trust in Christ. Lazarus wasn't the only one who would be unbound and 'let go' through this process. Unbelief and pride died; faith, humility, and awe were resurrected.

So what does this have to do with God’s calling on my life? It means that over every square inch of Joy Wood's life God cries out “MINE!”. I don’t get to tell Him when I should leave for Uganda and He doesn’t even need to tell me what His next move is. I’m back to sitting in the back seat of the bus again, humbled in a deeper way. And as painful as it is, I can honestly say that I’m extremely grateful. I’ve caught a few glimpses of my heart making this horribly all about me, an idol instead of an act of worship to my King. It’s made me shudder and be grateful He’s bringing this stuff out to kill it. Its better that He makes me wait. This wait won’t end in death…but for the glory of God.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”  John 12:24

Lord, our dreams, even the ones YOU give us, are not our own. They belong solely to the One who plans them from beginning to end (John 1:2-3). The way you work them out (the where, what, who, and when) all belongs to You, Lord Jesus. Help me to posture myself as a servant and a child and let You work out the details. Thank You for the painful waiting periods in our life that bring out the sin in our hearts. The waiting and the uncertainty doesn't make me act a certain way, Lord...it brings out what's been in my heart the whole time. Thank You for the idolatry and self-centeredness You've been revealing and removing. Thank You also for the unrelentless certainty in my heart that You WILL resurrect this for Your glory. Every time You've brought something down to death in my life, I've seen You swoop in and amaze me with how You move. Lord, I take the desire of my heart and I break it over Your feet (John 12:3). Be glorified with how You make it all come together. I'm waiting in expectation even as I seek to be faithful right where You have me now. In Jesus Name, Amen.