THE CONVERSATION

“The sorrows of those who have bartered for another god will be multiplied…” Psalm 16:4

My time with the Lord yesterday morning began with Him bringing this verse to my mind.  I turned to it in my Bible, wrote it down in my journal, and paused with the slightly nervous thought of “Well that’s an interesting verse for Him to bring up.  What does that mean?” The inner me knew quite well what He wanted to discuss, I was just hoping He had something else in mind. Idolatry (valuing anything or anyone above Him) is something He's been pulling out of my heart in big chunks this year.

The word “bartered” caught my eye and I looked up the definition. Merriam-Webster’s defines barter as: “to trade by exchanging one commodity for another.” It was also noted that bartering was a common practice between strangers and enemies, due to the fact that they felt they were more in control of what they received back. The inner me was definitely saying “Uh-oh” at this point.

The following are actual excerpts from my journal yesterday morning. I never thought the Lord would want me to share something so intimate as my inner conversation with Him, but He does today. I often write down thoughts or questions (or rants!) for God in my journal, and then wait for Him to respond. I then write down word-for-word what I hear Him say back to me, which helps me to keep His instructions and encouragement fresh in my mind. This conversation style with the Lord may seem a little odd, but it’s one of the ways He and I have communicated over the years. I don’t hear God speak to me audibly (though He could if He wanted to), but I do clearly hear His voice in my heart and mind. The more time I spend with Him, the more readily I recognize His voice (John 10:27). My prayer is that you’ll be encouraged about how absolutely practical the Lord is and how faithful He is to meet with us when we make time with Him our priority. Listening is a discipline and I'm being trained in that area every single day. My words are in italics, and the Lord’s responses are in bold.

How have I bartered, God?

“By trading Me for another god. ‘Self-love’ is her name. She provides you with an alternate source of value and worth. You spend much time serving her and wondering whether she is pleased or not.”

Wow, Lord. I am so deceived! What does this look like in my life? Please reveal my sin in practice.

“How much time do you spend worrying about appearance?”

Oh Lord, way too much. Counting every calorie, fearing weight gain when I can’t exercise, fussing over clothes, hair, and make-up. Catching a glimpse in a mirror (or any reflective surface-the microwave!) and asking myself ‘Am I beautiful?’ or “Am I beautiful enough?’. Finding my value and worth in how I look. Oh Lord, it’s wretched! Please help my sinful heart!

“ ‘You are altogether beautiful, My darling, and there is no blemish in you.’ (Song of Solomon  4:7) And ‘I am my Beloved’s, and His desire is for me.’ (Song of Solomon 7:10) Remember these when you’re struggling.”

What else, Lord? How else do I serve ‘Self-Love’ or any other gods?

“How much time do you spend worrying about what other people think of you?”

Lord, I think that’s almost constant. It’s like a continual thread in my self-talk and in every human relationship. Whether it’s a close relationship or someone I just meet in passing. I’m always wondering (fearfully or pridefully), ‘Does he think I’m pretty?’, ‘Does she think I’m spiritual?’, or ‘Does she think I’m a good enough friend?’. Oh Lord, again I bring before You my sin. Please help! I don’t want to serve this god.

“ ‘For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.’ (Colossians 3:3). This enables you to forget you. You are freed from that bondage! Does someones opinion of a dead man matter? No! Neither does anyone’s opinion of Joy. She’s dead and Christ now lives in her place. ‘I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.’ (Galatians 2:20). I’ll honor you for remembering this when you think about you.”

It was a strong word from Him and I needed it. I wish you could hear how gentle His tone is even when He's rebuking me. He's a jealous Husband, and I'm so grateful for that. I’m not entirely sure what the Lord has in mind for you as you read that conversation, but I'm blessed to be able to be publicly honest about some of my struggles (it kills more pride). I would honestly MUCH rather keep this between just Him and me, but He knows best. Whatever He has in mind, may He be glorified! And may you be blessed.

On a much lighter note....  :)  I have to share this recipe for a "Protein Pancake with Sliced Bananas" with you. It's a modified version of a recipe out of Costco's new cookbook (yes, that's my favorite store). It's tasty, quick, very filling (kept me going for hours with no shaky sugar-low at 10:00am!), and can be easily changed up to your tastes. It's not super-sweet so you may want to add some fruit to the mixture or more honey.

                       Protein Pancake with Sliced Bananas

2/3 cup quick-cooking oats (I use plain)
2 Eggs (or 4 egg whites for cholesterol-free)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1-2 tsp honey
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/8 tsp ginger
pinch of salt

1 ripe banana, sliced
Extra honey for drizzling

Coat a skillet with oil spray and preheat over medium heat. Whip together all ingredients except the banana in a small bowl or pyrex mixing cup. Pour the mixture into the skillet and cook for about 1 1/2 minutes on each side, or until golden brown. Transfer pancake to a plate and add sliced bananas and drizzle with honey.  Tip: For a moister pancake, cover the skillet with a lid while the pancake is cooking. Nutritional information: 27g protein, 6g fiber.

Ideas:
Mix into the batter about 1/4 cup thawed frozen blueberries, 1/4 cup plain canned pumpkin, or 1/4 cup mashed banana. (I'm even contemplating how to incorporate peanut butter...  :-) ).
Substitute the drizzling honey with agave or pure maple syrup.
Make the batter the day before and have it ready in the fridge to pour.